K, so my little girl turned one year old just a few months ago and I took a little time to ponder what she means to me. I don't really cry it's not my thing, but when I held my little girl for the first time a single manly tear filled with testosterone and nitroglycerin slide down my cheek and landed on the pillow, cliche I know, but true. I probably should have caught it in a vial so we could synthesize it and cure cancer, but alas live and learn.
For that joke and the rest of this post to make any sense you need to know a little about me, I weigh a buck fifty on a good day and giggle like a school girl when I successfully do two pull ups. I'm not a particularly intimidating individual. Now there is a lot that can be said about my little girl, I love her dearly and she lights up my life, but there is something particular I want to discuss about my life since she showed up.
I've always considered myself relatively mild mannered, in fact it took me 21 years to throw my first punch and I had enough presence of mind to hit an object instead of the person, though not enough presence of mind to pick something softer than oak to punch, again live and learn. The day my daughter was born though something changed in me, something I had never noticed in myself before. For the first time in my life I realized I was dangerous.
I don't know if this is a daddy's with little girls thing or a daddy's in general thing, (fathers please chime in) but I realized that I wouldn't hesitate to throw myself in the middle of anyone who posed a threat to my family. My greatest fear is losing my little girl. In fact as I've spent time analyzing my thoughts and emotions I've found that this new fear has covered up many of my old fears and inhibitions. As strange as it sounds fear for my family has actually made me a better person by forcing me to overcome my roadblocks.
My wife and daughter have forced me to stop living for myself and start living for them. It was hard for me to understand that concept when I was single, but when you forget about yourself you can truly be happy. It's strange I always heard other people talk about how you love your children more than you love yourself and to me that always meant you sacrifice for your kids, but when my daughter came into my life I realized it was something quite different. I look at my little girl and I see myself and her future is my future and suddenly nothing matters except my little monster.
A child changes your life, yeah lack of sleep, lack of money, and diapers are all part of the job. Really when it comes down to it though they make you a better person, they shift your priorities and teach you how to give of yourself. Kids aren't for everyone and if they aren't for you find a way to give of yourself, find someone who needs something you have to give. It'll change your life.
Peace folks I'm out,
Cap
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